The truth behind likes

In this world that we live in we are all the time finding ourselves in new situations that we have never encountered before, right? So you do the best you can when you get to a point like that and learn from your mistakes. What if you have already been down that road before, or a road that looks familiar, and know whats coming and yet do it all anyway? You know the red flags coming up all around you, yet you ignore them because at the moment you don't care. The only intentions you have are the intentions to please yourself at that moment in time. You go through the motions and then, you get the fruits of your labor and it is as dark as the night.
Sometimes when we like people and we know what they are capable of we ignore it and keep going because our emotions get in the way. We always have the best intentions for ourselves not to get hurt, and we tell ourselves this and try to persuade others to believe what we've made ourselves believe. The truth of the matter is, is that if people are telling you something is wrong you should listen. Most of the time when that happens though, we don't want to listen because we're "in love" or just attached to that person so much we can't bare to imagine letting them go. Emotional attachments are sometimes the chains that hold us back, or wear us down, and the saddest part is that we have the key to let ourselves go. The fear of pain in losing the person we "love" is almost too much to bare and we don't want to think about it so we ignore it like everyone else around us trying to save us.
I've never been in real "love" before, but I have had some pretty strong feelings for guys that I have fallen hard for. The thing with this though, is that a lot of times they never liked me back so when they hurt me it was nothing to them. When they don't feel anything back for you as you feel for them, it's a different ball game. Their wants and needs seem to always come before yours, unless they become your friend and care about you that is, but usually they're selfish. In cases like this, you're better off alone, but you can't seem to get away from it. Like a drug they keep pulling you in and you become caught up in the sweet things they say or do and think that there must be something more between yourself and them. No. There never is, and the worst is when they find out and use it to their own use because they know they can control you any way they please. This goes for guys and girls, it's a disgusting sight to watch people be used and know it but not care because they're so "caught up" in someone.
The truth of the matter is, when you love someone make sure they love you too, and if you find someone doesn't care about you like you care for them then they're not worth your time. You'll be glad it's over once the pain is gone, and everything will be okay.
"We have to face the pain before we can feel the freedom." - Oneandonlymi

Chang...good or bad?

 There is a new change in my life right about now, which that shouldn't come as a surprise because change is all around us constantly. Whether in the weather or just with feelings, looks, etc. and we have to adapt right? Well I'm still new to this this idea, which it's hardly even 24 hours since the change occurred, so that should be acceptable. I guess the thing that I'm kind of weird about with this change is that when change comes it shapes peoples all around character, whether it takes a few days, months, sometimes even years. But the change is there, it has happened and now I'm wondering how its going to change the life it has occurred to and the lives around that person.
Maybe I'm just making a big deal out of this, and there isn't a deal worth being made. The thing that has scared me the most about life is that when there's change, there is no going back really. You can try to imagine it or reenact whatever used to be, but it will never be what it once was. People change, grow up, and take control of their own lives. That IS technically a good thing because it shows responsibility and leadership at a certain degree and that the persons brain is developing into adult hood and they have started the now long struggle called life. Where does all of the freedom, laughter, and childish dreams go? I think most of us leave it behind in our busy life styles.
It's just when I watch the people that I've grown so close to around me changing, growing up with me, and remembering how things used to be and seemed like they would stay that way forever...I want time to freeze. I know my blog is "waiting for time" because it seems that time has all the answers (in time) and you will find why things are so at the certain place in you memory. The changes though...they happen in the present and you don't know what the future holds, and all you can do is live from day to day and take it all in.

Maybe this is just the beginning of many changes, and if people really appreciate having certain things in their lives, they will work to keep them there.

"A change is inevitable, but to decide to change is a personal decision. Then when the decision we have made  is decided, we make it a life style." -unknown.

Freaks, Fences, and Frosties

Wow! I've noticed that I've had a lot more people to start coming by and checking out my blogg! Thank you guys so much, I hope you guys keep enjoying what you read.

In other news today, everything was pretty well...normal. I say normal in a sense of nothing really much going on except for the fact that I felt like a freak for a few minutes of my life. Since it's spring time and everyone is getting out and into their gardens and have "spring fever", my family and I have created ourselves two garden areas and a flower bed. Hard work yes, worth it...totally! To add on to our newest addition (the smaller garden) we went by a place called "Tractor Supply" (yes it is a real place, look it up) and got some fence. Now I know what you're thinking, possibly a roll of fence, wooden fence, chicken wire fence? Nope. We HAD to have "cattle" fence to put around our garden. The fence which is in fact 16' (feet) long. Now lets do a quick math check. A regular size car (four door, Honda Accord model) which is bumper to bumper about 13.4 ft. long. (You get the picture?)
So with this 16 ft long piece of fence ("it had about 4in. squares to see through so we were good", said my dad) and with a few rags to keep the car from too many scratches we pilled five of these monsters onto the TOP of my car. Not a happy camper about that. Five 16 foot long pieces of fence, covering my car, bungee tied down to the car, and not liable to move an inch in any direction. Covering the tip of the hood to the curve of the trunk, and making a baracade over top of our car. The sales man had warned us about possibly being pulled over with having that fence covering the windshield, but you could see and that's all that my dad cared about. (My dad is not insane, just FYI, he's actually pretty smart and at first I thought the possibility of his sanity might be a bit unstable but he ended up proving himself in the end.)
As we drove out of the parking lot my dad picked up his half drunk Taco Bell beverage and sipped as we went down the road as if nothing in the world was different or odd about the access exterior of our car. The funniest thing of it all was that there was an actual police headquarters station right across the road from us, but they were all off on break. We drove all the way home not seeing one cop, but noticing a lot of open mouth stares as we drove by. I have to admit, if that is what being a "freak" feels like...I wouldn't mind doing that and seeing all those priceless expressions all over again.

I hope you guys have had a fabulous week and the weekend is here at last! Maybe if I don't post another blogg, I hope you all have a great weekend and I will catch you guys on the flip side!

Unproductive Day

There's so much going on in my head right now. I always hate when this happens because then I don't feel like doing anything, not even the stuff that I HAVE TO DO. I just sit around, mope, and don't know what to do with myself. I hate this so much, but I really don't know what else to do. I sound so pathetic when I write it all out, but I know I'm not the only one on this planet that feels this way. Sometimes it just seems like there's too much and I don't even want to attempt to try and do it all because I'm afraid of failure.

Hope everyone is having a better week starting out that I. This is just really crappy. I would  vent, but I don't think you would read the whole thing if I wrote my every ache and hurt, because believe me there is a lot. Stress of every day life, and with friends. Friend stress is always the worst, I think, because it hits you a little harder when they do things to themselves and you wish they wouldn't...then you never know what to say, or feel whatever you say isn't good enough or helping. Right now, I'm some what in that position, but also there's what seems to be an extremely complicated situation going on right now and a lot of confusion. So much stupid, so little time to procrastinate every day life.

Today my dad was putting water in the sink filled with dishes and puts dish soap in it...then he walks away. I guess I'm not the only unproductive one today in this house hold. If you've made it this far, thanks and thank you for reading. Hope you all have a good rest of the week and that it is very eventful/ productive and good.

Falcon Lady

My mom and I walk into a salon, keeping in mind we have never been to before, and ask for the lady whom we had talked to on the phone. Two ladies sitting and chatting on a nicely fluffed cushion stopped long enough to notice us and answer our question before they were right back at it again. My eyes drifted off into the direction the one had pointed in through the door way. The moment of truth was about to arrive and I was feeling a littler nervous.

 Hair cuts are no big thing, as long as the person cutting your hair knows what in the world they're doing. The place was nice, I had to admit. The decor looked like a big chunk of gold came in and threw up everywhere though, because everything was in some kind of gold and I knew it couldn't have been the real kind. Little chandeliers hung from the ceiling, rugs on the floor, fat cushioned chairs, and a small flat screen television in the corner. Only the two ladies were in the front room I noticed though, and wondered why there wasn't more.

 Through the door way we fixed our eyes on our hairdresser for the day. She was in her mid to late 50's and wore thick glasses that lay just below some crazy red-ish brown hair. She smiled and we stated why were there and she pointed to a couple of seats in the corner. My nerves seemed to fade a little as I watched her work on her present customer who seemed to be a regular by the way they chatted, but when they got done she didn't clean up, sweep, or anything. Ten minutes later I was in "the hot seat" and relaxed while she did her business. Facing my mom, while they conversed for a few seconds the woman walks over in a floating manner and reaches for my hair, stabbing me with her long finger nails in the neck. ouch. I blow it off and hope this isn't going to be a non-stop hacking spree at my skin as she proceeds on. 

 Her sharp talon like claws she called finger nails constantly scratched at my skin as she worked, while the comb she ran across my scalp was dug in a little too hard. She combed and I could feel hair being plucked from my scalp and became worried I wouldn't have any hair left when she got done. Five minutes later, she has trimmed and shaped as I had asked, whipping me around in the spinney chair and jerking the button on "cape" from around my neck. My mother had seen this and look a little worried as her fate lay before her. I watched as some style was being put into my moms hair and how the falcon lady's claws stroked the side of her face again and again, and the third time causing some hard squinting by my mother. An apology, and some more "fluffing" before the woman ended the torture. She bragged of her experience and cackled her shrekey laugh in delight. When all was said and done we looked the same as when we had first come in, only my mother's hair had been styled a little more than before.

 Hair still in tact, faces still whole, and only a little chunk from our wallet missing we left swearing never to return again.

 On the way home we joked about the "falcon lady" and decided that even though we were desperate for a hair cut this time, we would cut our hair ourselves if we had to next time (if in serious need) before we went back there.

"It is always good to try new things, and sometimes things are good to only try once."- unknown

Blonde moment

I have done laundry at least since I was 11 years old, so I should pretty good at it now right? (I'm a lot older now just to clarify) My busy schedule consisted of cleaning my house for the day and getting things organized before the family came home. The laundry basket was full to the gills and I fretfully separated the lights from the darks and proceeded to put the larger pile into the washing machine. Of course the next step in this process, for anyone who has done laundry before, knows that you close the door and put "laundry detergent" in (wherever its supposed to go, since washing machines are made differently, but all share the same reason of use) and then turn it on. Well...this is where I had a "blonde" moment. There were three different containers that held liquid and powder detergents that I could use for the washing machine, and the dryer. I grabbed the "fabric softener" in my absent mindedness and something inside of my head said this wasn't right. I ignored it and kept on going but knew by the color and creamy look of it...something wasn't right.
 A few seconds later I remembered that it was in fact laundry DETERGENT, and not FABRIC SOFTENER that I needed to use in the washing machine. I flew in a mad furry back to the clothes that had already started their cycle and wondered how in the world I was going to fix this. Simple, I thought, just stop it and put in real laundry detergent and bam all should be well in the world or laundry again. So, I grabbed the powder detergent, which I remembered after putting it in and starting it AGAIN, that it had to be washed with some other detergent in there and not alone. AAHHHH. The agony. Right as I was about to give up, what do I see? A beautiful large gallon jug of liquid laundry detergent that had been put out of my view and onto the dryer, which was out of place and threw me off.
 Quickly! I put the real laundry detergent into the right place, sadly with the powder still in place, and started it and sent up a little prayer of hope.

Everything seemed to be fine when I got it out of the washing machine and put it into the dryer. Just to be safe before hand though I put the cycle on extra rinse (so that in some miracle of a chance) the clothes wouldn't be super flower smelled or mutated into an angry wet laundry monster. Still with clothes tumbling in the dryer, I sit here and type this (hopefully amusing) entry and wait for the clothes to be completely done.

Thanks guys for reading my blogs! I hope you guys have a great weekend!!

Outsider

I walk through the doors and look for my place in the line. Everything has already started and I'm a little late because I was outside comforting a friend.

There is a look going around as if I had been secretly banned from this fellowship,

like I wasn't good enough to be here with them.

I walk past the tables.

I take my seat and try not to look around because I know they are watching me.

Their eyes are like cold metal against my warm heart and I want to scream at them all for judging me.

Why do they not understand?

Couldn't they listen?

No. It would be pointless.

They will never understand.

Never.

My main goal is to stay hidden from the world.

The few that find my strengths and praise me for it shall truly be the ones I love.

Because they first loved me, they have always loved me for who I am and given me a home here.

For those who don't know, who will never give me a chance.

They shall miss out.

On everything.

These are a few thoughts, being an outsider. Felt majorly like an outsider today, and it was in a place that I have grown up in too. People are hypocrites and judgmental (and I know I am too, but I want to give everyone a chance before I judge them). So lets think about how we're treating people when we see them, be careful what you say because it always makes a big impact (whether positive or negative).

 Have a good week.  

Roller Coaster

My last blog was about how distressed I was and how everything seemed to be going wrong. Now everything seems so perfect, but bitter-sweet. Our everyday relationships with the people that we have around us and talk about everything too seem to be what we base our lives one right? Just can't seem to be 100% happy if that person isn't happy? Yeah. I know what you mean. Bitter-Sweet.

There isn't much to say today/tonight, just that there is a some what bright side once you get up at the top of your hill of horrors. Just have to keep moving and not stop, because if you stop you may slide back or stop forever. (Even thought it seems like the easiest or best thing to do at the moment.) Like Dori said in Finding Nemo, "Just keep swimin'. Just keep swimin'. Just keep swimin' swimin' swimin' " :) You'll get there soon. When you do. Take a deep sigh and smile.