Today I held the door open for a man with a walking problem.
This doesn't seem like much, and maybe it was even a bit awkward or embarrassing for the man to have the door held open for him, but there wasn't anyone else around and he obvious would have needed help. I made the offer but when first attempting the doors straight ahead he kindly declined and told me he could just use the handicap button that would open the doors for him. Well, he walked and I went on my way after responding with a positive message of hoping he had a good rest of the day. He then realized that he would be coming the same way that I was after all to the class that he needed to be in. So again, I began to offer him my help, but wearily looked around for a handicap button that would be easily acceptable to reach. When I realized that this other side of the building didn't have one, I began the motions all over again to offer holding the door open for him again. He realized the same thing I had realized, and humbly accepted my offer. When waiting with the door open for him I watched as he painfully took one step after another, dragging the front of his left foot a little. I began feeling awkward as he had been speaking but I couldn't hear him because I had been staring. I then felt that he had realized my staring and he himself felt awkward as well. I thought that my over all effort of trying to treat another human being like they were respected and like they were cared for had failed. He slowly made his way, although I think he was trying to go as fast as he could possibly go to keep me from waiting, and once inside he stopped on the rug to wipe off his feet and the bottoms of the walking sticks he used. My heart absolutely burst at the sight of him trying to drag his foot along beside him, but what really got me was when he mentioned "I'm still learning".
At his comment of "I'm still learning" I at first assumed he was talking about going to class and being in school, but then I realized that he hadn't been like this his whole life. At one point he was able to walk around freely and effortlessly. He could run and jump. He could do whatever his heart desired, but now he was still that same man but with a body that couldn't move as fast as it once did. He was still so young, and after he made his comment and walked in on the rug and struggled with getting the bottom of his left foot wiped off from the water that had puddled on the side walk from the rain that morning, I realized that he could be at home. He could be at home that very moment feeling sorry for himself. He could be at home or even dead because he thought life wasn't worth living any longer, but he wasn't. He was still going day after struggling day. I'm sure there are days where he wants to scream and cry because he's so fed up with his body not moving the way he wants it to or the way it used to move...but he moves on and keeps his head up so strong.
My heart broke into a million pieces as I analyzed how the mans life must be. From getting dressed to trying to keep your head up while walking through the halls of school. Watching other people walk around you as if you're a road block. It would be infuriating and unfair, and not even to mention the ass holes that think its their job to tease and mock you while you struggle with each step further and further in the day. My God my heart ached. Not because of his inability to function as easily as the rest necessarily, but the fact that he goes through every day knowing it's going to be a battle while the rest of us can function properly and complain as if we have lost everything.
Today friends I helped a man that made me feel humble, and grateful for what I do have. If I could give him my own leg to better help him then I would, but I believe some people are stronger than others and that that man is very strong. Not only in will power but in faith.
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