A box of paint sits at my side. Not just one primary color, or two or three, we're talking a full pack of twenty four colors. Including glitter paint. Last night I took down all of the pictures and art that I had put up over the year as a symbol of creating a new space for my mind to run to when I get scared or am reminded of this year. I want to take the paint box and create the starry night on my walls, but I'm unsure of my capabilities to be quite honest.
My walls are bare, and at the moment I like them that way. It makes me feel like I finally can see what I've been hiding paper in front of this entire time. A lot of missing places from where I have torn down posters or pictures. Tape residue on the walls. It's all bare, and it makes me think of how my heart must look like sometimes. Bare and nothing special, although in a sense it has all of the remaining places where things used to be. The tape, dark places of graphite, or even where something has rubbed the walls and made it turn another color. Chips, retouched areas with a tone just a slight bit off from the original color. I'ts the little things that you really have to look at in order to see. The little things that I have done to my wall, and the places that I have hid for nearly a year now.
When I say that I represent this wall as my heart I mean that everything I have done to this wall shows. Everything that has happened this year is still showing on my heart. And above anything else, I want to paint over it all, just creating some beautiful recreation of a master piece that is symbolic to me. Something that means new life. I have a box of paint sitting beside me, and each color is so beautiful in it's own way. It can help me create so many wonderful things, and I have the greatest feeling that the paint and I, will be the best of friends.
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