For a moment in time there are a few thoughts in my mind that have fully processed. I'm not sure if it's because I have ate a full meal and my stomach is warm and content, or if it is in fact the stress being absent in my mind with having a day off tomorrow. Either way I sit here content with things in this moment. I've been meaning to say something in recent times but could never really find the words to say. Everything has been scrambled in my mind.
I think about this time last year. I had a boyfriend and my best guy friend was giving me the attention that I had been dying for for the past two years. Everything seemed to be at a perfect state. Now in this precise moment neither one of those boys are in my life. I had a really hard time letting one go especially, but eventually I've come to some closure. For a long time I wondered if something was wrong with me because it seemed I was leaving or pushing away all of my friends and being left with nothing and no one. Just memories to fill my mind every single day and leave my heart aching. Then I read a quote. I'm not sure word for word or who it's by but it says "If your friendships do not last forever then it is a sign that you are growing up", and it was most definetly something that I needed to see. I've felt like a horrible person or a failure but the truth is that I've merely been learning and growing up.
When I see the people that I've let go of in the future I don't expect them to be kind to me or even recognize me, but I do hope to see them happy. I hope that they make something wonderful of their lives and create something worth living for and something that their grandchildren can be proud of. I know as a young adult it's hard to make your way in the world. You hurt people and you make mistakes and you try the best you can, but what makes you who you are is who you stay with through it all. Growing up I wanted to be the kind of person that no one had a bad word to say about if ever my funeral arose at an early age, but I've realized as I've grown up that someone will always having something to say about you or to you. Everyone has an opinion of you and what you are supposed to be. They will question your moves and you thoughts but you just have to ignore them and keep moving in the direction you think is best for yourself.
For this past year I've learned a lot. Mainly that people are just people and you only have a little bit of time with them on this earth so make every second count for as long as you can. Don't expect anything from anyone, and always give if your heart is completely in it. Don't do things for people that will do something for yourself, because humility is the most powerful gift you can ever receive.
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